


Complicated

by Daxii



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Grief, M/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29099604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daxii/pseuds/Daxii
Summary: Set after the manga scene where Mafuyu rejects going for noodles with Ue, Hiiragi and Shiz.I literally couldn't go to bed without writing this.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 9
Kudos: 64





	Complicated

_Ding dong_.

_Ding dong._

_Ding dong._

Fuck. Just one more press, maybe, Ritsuka thinks... it’s not _that_ late, and he has every right to be worried, right? With Mafuyu acting all weird and then the guys saying _oh its like **last** time_, and Mafu not answering his texts _or_ his calls and -

“Ue?” Mafuyu mumbles, cracking the door open. “What are you-”

Ritsu doesn’t wait for him to finish, stepping forwards and enveloping him in a squeezing hug.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, mostly into Mafuyu’s neck. “Really, I am.”

“What for?” Mafuyu asks, hands tentatively creeping around Ritsuka’s back.

“Being an idiot?” he suggests. It mostly sums it up.

“Do you want to come in?”

Well, yeah, but if he does he’s never _ever_ going to let him go.

“I should probably go home... I just wanted to see you.”

“Oh,” Mafuyu says, and presses his lips to Ritsu’s neck. “I’m glad.”

“I love you, you know?”

“Mm. I love you, too.”

It’s hard to leave, but it’s not as hard as watching Mafuyu walk away, so it’s ok.

They need to talk.

Talking is difficult when they’re both so emotionally stunted and impossible with words. How can Ritsu even _begin_ to address all the things he needs to say? Where does he _start_?

 _By the way, I’m cripplingly jealous of your ex even though he’s **dead**. _Probably not. There’s a chasm of grief inside of Mafuyu that nothing, no one, can ever, ever fill. And maybe it would be wrong of them, if they tried.

Ritsuka ponders this as he makes is way to the sports hall at lunchtime, crossing his fingers that Mafuyu has headed for his usual nap and he can get to see him, even just to hold his hand or stroke his hair while he sleeps. He’s _so_ sorry.

He hesitates at the door, stomach tightening with a feeling of _dread_ , like Mafuyu won’t be there and then... if he’s not... what does he do? Does it mean it’s over? Them? The band? Is he getting ahead of himself?

Definitely.

Mafuyu’s right where he needs him to be, knees to his chest and eyes firmly closed.

“You asleep?” he asks, sitting down, leaving space between them.

“Not yet.”

“There’s something I need you to hear,” Ritsu fiddles with his phone, desperately untangling the headphones.

“Hm?”

“Just... here. Please.”

He sets the song up, handing the phone to Mafuyu without another word.

He can’t watch as he listens. It’s all over his face... the recognition, the emotion, the grief, and his _eyes_. They’re crossing into that darkness that Ritsuka can’t stand, but he can’t do anything about it.

“What is it?” Mafuyu finally says, shifting towards Ritsu, knees just about touching.

“What I’ve been working on, with the other guys. It’s Yuuki’s... Hiiragi asked me for his help, to finish it.”

Mafuyu says nothing, eyes quivering as he just sits and stares.

“I wanted to say _no_ , because it’s my boyfriend’s ex, ya know? It’s weird,” Mafuyu smiles, then, just a little. “But then I heard it, and I got so wrapped up, in them and in Yuuki and in _you_ that I couldn’t say no, and it just all came out.”

“Me?”

“That’s what it’s about, I think. His feelings for you... and just _you_ being _you_ , and mine are the same, so I literally _couldn’t_ help myself. I don’t want you to feel like you’re being left behind, when really you’re the center of it all.”

“Yuuki was the center of it all,” Mafuyu says softly, head tilting down to Ritsu’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“But you can’t forget him, right? It’s ok. You don’t have to,” is what Ritsu has decided.

It’s different. Complicated. If it wasn’t for Yuuki and his guitar, Ritsuka and Mafuyu would have never even _met_ , never fallen in love, never made music together. It’s only because he’s _dead_ that they’ve had any of this. Where would they be if he had lived? Would he and Mafu have drifted apart? Divided by the music and their different schools? Would the relationship have come to a natural end and Mafuyu been able to move on in _peace_?

They’ll never know.

For all his jealousy, Ritsuka can’t _resent_ Yuuki, however much he’s hurt Mafuyu.

It’s complicated, and feelings are hard.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a terrible feeling that this isn't how it's going to go in the manga. It's gonna be some dramatic shit and everything will be sad. But in my head, where all is fluffy, this is how it goes.


End file.
